Time to Regroup

I’ve been rereading the post I wrote back at the beginning of the year entitled. Instead of Resolving to Change, Resolve to Be.  I have long stated that I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions and that instead, I prefer to review and regroup periodically throughout the year. So, I decided that I was overdue in looking over the goals and plans I had set for myself back in January.

My word for the year is SHINE. Have I been shining? It might time to regroup. 

My overall plans were to:

~ be gentle and accepting with myself just the way I am.

~ stay focused on what’s good about my family and friends and appreciate them for who they are.

~ get immersed in and savor the moments of my life – Instead of making a huge grand life makeover, I resolve to not only see, but revel in the messiness and find the joy and beauty within.

~ be present. Instead of dwelling on the past or putting life on hold in favour of what might be coming in the future, I will be where I already am.

Now here’s the thing about regrouping. It’s not a time to bash yourself for what you may not have been as successful with. It’s a time to take stock, gently and lovingly towards yourself, and then to move forward with plans to either revamp those plans and goals into something more meaningful for you at the time or to refocus on the ones you had originally set.

That can be easier said than done.

Taking stock of the reality of my life at the moment:

~ Finances have been unsettling this year. I was hired by someone last year and trusted that I was going to be paid for the work I was doing but instead, they are thousands of dollars in arrears, owing me money that dates back to last summer. An unexpected expense has cropped up since then adding to the financial stress and causing me some sleepless nights. It is nearly worked out but it’s still taking a toll.

~ My health hasn’t been the greatest. I’m exhausted all the time (likely from the sleepless nights) and the doctor tells me my cholesterol is bad….as in worse than it was last year when he told me it was bad. I have to admit. Taking care of myself has not been a top priority for me in the past few months. Okay, more than a few months.

~ I now have people living in my house – my daughter and son in law (and my mom is currently visiting). We have a plan for creating a granny suite for me to live in but the unsettling finances previously mentioned are holding up some of the progress on that.  I love them dearly and I enjoy all the time together but honestly, I’m just not used to it anymore. I’m used to being alone most of the time.

~ My dog is really showing signs of her age. She’s 11 and for a big dog, that’s old. She is also a purebred German Shepherd and has the classic large breed arthritis and hip dysplasia. She can’t get up onto the furniture anymore without me lifting her. If she lies on the floor or even on her dog bed, she often can’t get back up again. She has fallen several times. She has accidents in the house sometimes because she simply can’t make it out the back door in time. I love her dearly and I know she still has happy moments but those little moments when she is facing her own limitations, she looks at me with the saddest look in her eyes and it breaks my heart every time.

I am not sure in the midst of all of this that I have been doing much shining. 

So, what now?

It’s time for some self-care. It’s time to shine.